You don’t really need to say or do or much of anything.
There is already tension between men and women. By definition that tension is sexual. It’s always lurking just beneath the surface.
If it was acceptable I believe people everywhere would be having care-free sex with multiple partners all the time. This tension is so dangerous it often leads to complete strangers having sex in less than 10 minutes.
This tension is why some men feel the need to cover women head to toe in burkas. It’s also why women know it’s dangerous to put themselves in a situation where they are alone with you.
Do Less, Not More
Just by showing up, without doing anything, there is already sexual tension between you and women. It is natural and automatic.
1) There is really nothing “special” you need to do or say
2) Most women are already naturally attracted to you
It is my belief that it’s not so much as you need to do or say “special” things to CREATE attraction as much as you just need to NOT do the small things that reduce the sexual tension that is already there. And eventually kill it forever.
- bailing her out
- supplicating facial expressions
I consider this an anti-manifesto because most strategies usually focus on what you need to do or say. There is nothing to say. There is nothing to do.
Your whole life you have been doing things to lessen tension. You have always tried to make everybody else around you feel more comfortable at your own expense. You do this with your friends, your co-workers and especially the women you like. When things get tense or awkward you’re the big clown making everyone laugh and feel comfortable. Even when girls reject you, you are more worried about their comfort level than your own. You don’t want her to feel awkward. Aw!
This is bad because doing things to help women feel more comfortable with the sexual tension will be viewed by her as supplication. A woman is never going to be attracted to a man that can handle LESS sexual tension than she can.
In the end it always seems to come down to who wins the little tension battles:
Eye Contact: who is going to look away first
Introduction: who pulls their hand away first
Silence: who gives in and talks first
Resistance: who tries to diffuse the awkward moment first
Who breaks down and needs to have a talk about “what is going on” first
Lets look at a few subtle ways guys reduce the sexual tension in their interactions with women:
Opening & Silence
The reduction of tension starts right away. Most guys will use a social opener or make up an excuse to start the conversation. This may help you and her both feel comfortable, but is that really such a good idea?
Right from the beginning guys are scared of silences. In fact right after you introduce yourself you want to pause for a second and give her a chance to contribute. Instead what guys usually do is just assume it’s their job to talk and entertain the whole time. It all comes off as they are trying to qualify themselves instead of the other way around. (The person talking is the person qualifying). When silence happens, as it always will, who feels the pressure to talk first.
Seductive Listening & Facial Expressions
Another way guys break sexual tension is by making supplicating facial expressions when listening. Instead of using this opportunity to bask in the natural tension of the moment guys get wide-eyed, flash goofy smiles and do lots of head nodding. And don’t forget the nervous throw away lines like “oh my god that’s so funny”. Instead you want to keep relatively quiet and use more of a blank stare when listening. Similar to a poker players face. By listening intently but not giving her much feedback she will feel like she needs to qualify herself to you.
Escalation & Resistance
Anytime you get verbal or physical resistance there will be even more tension in the air. This is good news. Resistance is great! But if you react to the resistance verbally (ie. trying to diffuse the awkwardness by making a joke) you will kill that tension. The same thing happens if you look sad and become pouty. If you don’t react to her resistance it never becomes real. It’s not official. It’s like it never happened. Being unreactive and keeping composed lets you be very persistent without coming across needy.
Many times it’s not just you. When women become aroused they will try to reduce the tension by baiting you to break rapport. Of course you fall for this trap because you think you need to break rapport to create sexual tension. See the problem? The sexual tension is already there.
Even witty comebacks and reframes can reduce tension. As such, tests are best handled this way. Hold seductive eye contact, smile and turn your head away slowly. If her test is due to a legitimate sexual comfort issue then your response can be delivered in a sexual but serious tone.
~ We are not having sex tonight.
We’re both adults. We will do whatever we are comfortable with.
Bailing Her Out
When you ask women to exchange numbers, meet up or come home with you, you should just ask her and then shut the fuck up. When women start stalling or making excuses guys always seem to bail them out by saying something. They crumble under the pressure.
Instead don’t say anything and move slightly closer to her. Let the awkward moment linger. The pressure is on her. Let her feel bad for breaking rapport with you. If you can just keep your mouth shut long enough women will often come around on their own and agree to whatever you were asking for.
A good rule is to always choose the option that produces the most tension. For example if you want to set up a meet it’s better to call girls vs. text them. When you text girls you let them off the hook and make it easy for them to say NO. Of course it’s even better if you ask her out face to face. Anytime a woman thinks you are doing something because you fear tension (ie. using a bet as an excuse to ask her out) she is going to lose attraction for you.
As I have discussed before you want to embrace awkwardness and risk creepy. You want her breathing heavy and get her heart beating faster. That’s because these symptoms mimic the signs of her being attracted. This tension is a good thing. You want it to be a bit awkward. You don’t want things to feel too comfortable.
How Dare You!
Not breaking the tension can be even harder for new guys with less experience. You will be tested more. Women will look at you like how dare you be so confident. Plus, if you think of yourself as not traditionally “good looking” you will automatically think you need to DO STUFF to make women attracted to you.
Actually it’s just the opposite. Guys need to do less. The things you are doing now might be getting reactions, but they are also reducing the tension. It’s very subtle but when guys believe they don’t have a shot with a woman, they say or do things to sabotage their chances. The funny thing is at the beginning the sexual tension and attraction was there. But because they didn’t believe she was attracted, that tension made them feel awkward. So of course they were the ones to break it off first.
The key to assuming attraction is to remember that on some level there is already sexual tension between you and most women. This tension exists naturally. An automatic connection if you will. As such, your focus shouldn’t be on what “special things” you need to say or do, but rather just on not breaking the natural tension and attraction that is already present.
Tags: sexual tension